Letterman on umpires

Talk show legend and fellow Hoosier David Letterman hangs ’em up this evening. Anyone who watched his show for any length of time knows how big of a baseball fan he is.

In a merging of his genius with this blog, I present to you a couple of top ten lists about umpires.

Top 10 Umpire Complaints
10. Having to carpool with team mascot
9. Line-up card from Don Zimmer always smeared with spaghetti sauce
8. When a manager who’s yelling right in your face suddenly kisses you
7. Have to use glass-bottom shower over concession stand
6. When they show your wife in bed with some other guy on Diamondvision
5. Players who ask if you would scratch them
4. All those empty Slim-Fast containers around Dodger dugout
3. When San Diego Chicken steals your street clothes and sets them on fire during his pre-game dance
2. In most states “killing the umpire” is only a class B misdemeanor
1. Squat burns

Top 10 Signs the Umpire is Nuts
10. His chest protector has large silicone implants.
9. Cleans home plate with his tongue.
8. The first batter has worked the count up to 46 balls, 29 strikes.
7. Makes own face mask out of bubble wrap and duct tape.
6. Was seen checking into Motel 6 with the Philly Phanatic.
5. Three small and very telling words: wears a cape.
4. Keeps running up to fat guys in the stands and yelling, “Babe Ruth! You’re alive!”
3. Insists that “Baseball Fever” is the cause of that weird rash on his back.
2. Whenever he sees a player adjusting himself, shouts, “Ball two!”
1. Long after the game has ended, he’s still squatting.

Pretty funny stuff. Mr. Letterman will be missed.


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